There's Nothing Wrong With Asking for Help

I’m learning from my mistake—and promising myself I’ll do better next time.

One of my New Year’s goals is to get this thing back up and running regularly. Thank you for subscribing, despite my tragic lack of consistency. I promise I’ll work harder to earn my spot in your inbox. Happy 2025!

Before CJ was born, I never considered myself to be someone who was bad at asking for help. I’m pretty open about my emotions and I am surrounded by loving, caring family and friends. I’ve felt supported by people who love me my entire life. And then I had a newborn and needed more help than ever before—but I suddenly had no voice to ask for it. 

The thing is, I felt bad asking for help. Every now and then I did ask, but I was always very conscious of asking for too much too often. I didn’t want to be a burden—it was my baby that needed to be cared for, after all. This was my job now. As a new mom, there’s also this layer of anxiety that makes you want to do everything yourself even though you don’t actually want to. A sense that no one else will do it right. Which is not rooted in reality, because I in fact had no idea WTF I was doing and was just winging it.

Thinking about it now, I don’t think I ever truly thought in my heart of hearts that anyone would look down on me for asking for help. But at the time, I felt guilty and like I was doing something wrong if I couldn’t handle everything.

Important note: My husband is a wonderful and very present father, and has been from the start. But he only was able to take off work for six weeks, and then had to jump right into tax season as a CPA, which meant that he had to work late and it was my responsibility to care for our daughter all week long.

So, while I felt so overwhelmed and overstimulated and so lonely, and I desperately needed help, I didn’t communicate it well. It wasn’t until I started this Substack that some of the people closest to me learned how much I had been struggling postpartum. They said they wished they had helped me more and apologized for not being there for me more.

These conversations were a real wake-up call for me. They reminded me that no one can read my mind, and if I need help, I need to say so. They’ve also given me an opportunity to realize that people DO want to help; no one expects me to be a superhero and handle everything on my own. (That’s an expectation I put on myself that I am still trying to let go of.)

I’ve made a conscious effort to voice my needs to the people around me. I ask for help when I need it. Sometimes my loved ones aren’t in a position to give that help, and that’s just life. But it already feels better knowing I’ve found my voice and am using it. I’ve grown enough as a mother over the last two years to feel secure in admitting I can’t do it all.

I need my village. We all do. Don’t feel ashamed or embarrassed for turning to yours. I promise you that any other new mom who doesn’t ask for help isn’t avoiding it because she doesn’t need it. Everyone needs it. Just not everyone feels empowered to ask for it.