The Daycare Transition: Here's How It Went for Us
Kids are so much more resilient than we give them credit for.
Hi, readers! I last posted about CJ starting daycare….over four months ago. And then never checked in on how the transition went. (I’ve been pregnant with a toddler and also trying to cram in as much work as possible before mat leave, son things have been a bit overwhelming.) I was going to skip it at this point, but then realized it could be helpful for anyone who is about to start this and is anxious about how it’ll go. So, here’s my very belated post about how we’ve all adjusted…
CJ goes to daycare three days a week. The first week was rough, I’m not going to lie. There were lots of heartbreaking tears, fierce hugs that could best be described as “clinging on for dear life,” and “go home?” requests at drop off. I had to basically pull her off me and hand her to the teacher, who would message me about 20 mins later to reassure me that she calmed down and was busy playing soon after I left. I also called one day to make sure she was okay—the daycare reassured me that I could call whenever I wanted to check in and shouldn’t feel weird about it.
She also really struggled to nap in the new environment. For two years, she had napped alone in her crib in a very dark room; at daycare, she was supposed to suddenly settle in for a nap on a cot in a new room full of other kids. The first day, she didn’t sleep a wink. It got progressively better after that, though it did take her a couple of weeks to really get the hang of it. (Now she’s a pro!)
Her first week, she got pretty sick and had to stay home the next whole week. We all ended up sick for a while; it devolved into a sinus infection for me, and an ear infection for her. Daycare is indeed the cesspool of germs that people describe it as: About once a month this winter, she caught some sort of mild-moderate respiratory infection, which inevitably turned into an ear infection. (I’ll share more on our ear infection journey and upcoming ear tube surgery in a future post.) I think the fact that she started mid cold/flu season really did not help.
After that first sickness, when she went back to daycare a week later, there were no tears at drop off. I was kind of shocked. She did cry a bit at pickup for the next few weeks—the teachers said she’d start to get upset if other kids were being picked up before her. It was also like she just had this huge emotional release after a long day upon seeing me… you know that feeling when you’ve been bottling up your emotions and acting tough, and then you hug your mom and just lose it? It happened sporadically for about three weeks, and then that stopped, too, and daycare drop-off and pick-up became completely tear-free.
Overall, she adapted pretty quickly, and I’m super proud of her. Now, she loves going to daycare. She doesn’t fight us on it at all. And I feel really good about it. In fact, daycare has been a saving grace for me the last few months. I’ve said “Thank God for daycare” more times than I can count. Yes, it was a transition for me, too, going from spending every day with her to leaving her in someone else’s care for 8 hours a day, 3 days a week. But being pregnant with a toddler is a special kind of exhausting. Especially when said toddler is in a big tantrum phase. Having a break from the mental and physical whirlwind a few days a week has been a godsend.
If your baby or toddler is about to start daycare and you’ve got lots of feelings about it, know that I see you. I was you. I not only was anxious about putting her in someone else’s care, I also felt guilty as hell. But daycare has truly been an amazing thing for all of us. Not only has it allowed me to work more and get a mental break from parenting (which allows me to reset, re-regulate my own emotions, and show up better for her), it’s also given her an opportunity to socialize. She’s playing with other kids, learning how to share, experiencing new activities, sitting at a table with her peers to eat lunch… all things that are expanding her world and brain and helping her develop skills and grow in ways that she couldn’t if she were still home with me every single day.
One of the biggest things I’ve learned as a parent is that transitions are often harder for me than they are for my child. Change is daunting and difficult, but often it’s easier than we anticipate and in the end, for the good. So try to remember that going into your own childcare transition, and any other big transition—because they tend to feel nonstop during this stage of parenting.
If you have any tips or advice on the daycare transition that might help another reader, please share in a comment :)