Is My Kid the Only One Struggling With Solids?

I'm just a mom, getting stuck in a comparison trap... classic.

I was psyched to start CJ on solids as soon as she turned 6 months old. In the weeks leading up to her half birthday, she was watching us intently as we ate, licking her lips, and reaching both her face and hands toward our plates. She was ready—or so I thought. The week she turned 6 months, I pulled up the Solid Starts documents, got out my Beaba Babycook and glass baby food storage jars, and prepped a few meals. Oatmeal, stewed apples, broccoli florets, cannelloni bean mash, avocado, and banana… all supposedly cut perfectly to fit her tiny grasp and minimize choking risk.

The next day, I sat her in her little counter-top chair (I love this thing), put on a bib, and placed a bowl in front of her with a couple of these foods. She grabbed it all in her little fists, shoved some in her mouth, gagged a lot, and then cried loudly until I took her out of the chair. She swallowed approximately nothing.

For a week, twice a day, I tried giving her these foods, cooked soft and cut into spears that she could pick up and try to eat herself. And every time, she smeared it all through her hands, into her hair, all over the seat and floor, and swallowed very little, if anything. And she gagged nonstop, which just scared her and made her cry. I started to think something was wrong. Why wasn’t my baby taking to solids? She seemed so ready, yet she couldn’t figure it out. I texted a few of my friends with older babies and asked them if they struggled with starting solids, too. If there was a bit of a learning curve and this was normal. Most of them said they didn’t really remember but it probably took a few tries to get going. One told me that she absolutely hated baby-led weaning; it was one of her biggest sources of anxiety with her first kid. It was relieving to know it wasn’t just us.

In case you’re not up on the lingo, baby-led weaning (BLW) is the hip way to introduce babies to solids. Instead of spoon feeding your baby purées, you give them appropriately sized solid foods and let them pick them up, explore, and feed themselves. Think: a spear of banana, a half of an avocado, or even an entire chicken drumstick. It feels like everyone I know used this method to give their babies solids, and social media will have you believe that this is the only way to do it. That spoon feeding is detrimental and will prevent your kid from learning how to eat in an appropriate, well-adjusted way.

But I can’t wrap my head around giving my baby huge hunks of food when she is still learning how to chew and swallow. Yes, gagging is par for the course; they’re learning how to use their tongue and swallow and what their limits are, and the gag reflex is still really strong. I found this info on gagging vs choking really helpful. I just couldn’t help feel like the steak strips and whole chicken drumstick that Solid Starts recommended I offer my baby on days 8 and 9 of solids were going to be completely unmanageable at that point in time. (Sorry I just can’t get over the chicken drumstick!)

When I brought up the solids struggle on a walk with a mom friend who has 3-year-old twins and an almost 1-year-old, she simply suggested that maybe CJ just wasn’t physically ready. She could be mentally ready, but maybe not physically there yet. It made sense: She’s a little peanut and still a little wobbly sitting on her own. Maybe she did just need another week or two, NBD.

That same afternoon, I decided to give it one more go and gave her a spear of banana. She proceeded to gnaw off a huge chunk, and then gag on it for so long I started to get concerned. She finally gagged it out in one dramatic, full-body motion, and then started bawling. I decided to call it: We both officially needed a break.

I still offered her food once or twice a day to introduce her to different flavors, but decided to stick with purées and softer/mashed foods for the most part. I bought baby oatmeal and puréed veggie and fruit packets. I mashed up banana and avocado and cooked carrots and broccoli. I’d load up a spoon with a little bit and then let her grab it from me and do it herself when she reached for it.

Eventually, she started swallowing a little bit, probably about 2 weeks into solids. We’re exactly 1 month in now, and she swallows a little more and gags a little less every day. She still drools out a lot, but I can definitely see her learning. She also now does this very dramatic chewing motion (that often results in the food falling out of her mouth accidentally lol) and sometimes does it when she is not even eating—clearly she is eager to practice this new skill.

I’ve also found she does best when she can mimic us eating our own food, so I’ve started feeding her breakfast while I eat mine next to her, and am trying to give her what I’m eating when it makes sense (we’ve been experimenting with scrambled eggs this week). At dinnertime, we’ve started giving her small tastes of whatever we’re eating as long as it’s mushy or can be made small enough, like mashed up slow-cooked potatoes, the soft flesh of a roasted zucchini, and bite-sized pieces of chicken meatballs. BLW will tell you to give your baby the full meatball and let them figure it out, and one day I will, but for now, we’re doing it our way.

And yes, I still often feel like I’m doing it wrong, especially when every other post on my stupid Explore page on Instagram is about BLW. But I’m also starting to feel a little more secure about the fact that she and I both need a little bit of a warm-up instead of going full-speed out of the gates. Like every other developmental stage, some babies (and parents) need more time than others, and no one approach or schedule works for all. CJ started sleeping through the night on the earlier end of the spectrum, so I guess if I had to choose something for her to take to quickly, it would be that. She’ll get there sooner or later with food, too—and I can’t wait to enjoy chicken drumsticks as a family when she does.