Everything Is a Phase

The mantra I repeated multiple times a day for four months.

I almost named this newsletter Everything Is a Phase. It’s what a few of my mom friends said to me in the first few months of CJ’s life, when I lamented something particularly challenging or exhausting. And it has become somewhat of a mantra for me.

Every time I had a bad day or night or moment, I’d tell myself “Everything is a phase. Everything is a phase. Everything is a phase.” What that really meant: “This won’t last forever,” or “This, too, shall pass.” She won’t wake up three times a night forever. She won’t always fight naps with every ounce of energy in her body. She won’t always cry every time she rolls onto her tummy at 2 AM.

In the moment, it’s hard to believe it. At one point, I legitimately didn’t think I’d ever get a good night of sleep again. (If you’re in that place, know that I’m here six months out and just slept 8 hours two nights in a row. Not every night is perfect, but most are pretty good!) But I kept telling myself that things would change quickly again, for better or for worse.

If there’s one thing you can count on with a newborn, it’s change. So just as quickly as they started waking up more often throughout the night (going from one night wakeup back to three absolutely broke me), they’ll start sleeping longer stretches again. This unpredictability definitely gave me a lot of anxiety—which I’ll talk more about in a separate post about anxiety. But reminding myself of the constant change was comforting when I was feeling like things would never turn around.

Our most recent phase? Some early-morning wake-ups. The other day, it was a brief cry at 4:30 AM, then again at 5:30, 6, and then thankfully a happy wakeup at her normal time a little after 7. Last week, there was one morning where she was up at 4 AM screaming and turned out she was legitimately hungry. After weeks of not needing a middle-of-the-night feed. That turned out to be more of a fluke than a phase, but I tried to prepare myself (and stave off the anxiety) by repeating my mantra in my head. If this happens for a few nights, it’s just a phase. It’ll stop as swiftly as it started.

Eventually, the historical data really helps. You look back and say, Oh yeah, she did that a month ago and it only lasted for two nights. Just gotta power through it. Experience makes it much easier to accept that everything is fleeting.

So I guess this entire post is just to share how valuable this one little phrase was for me. I highly recommend repeating “Everything is a phase” with reckless abandon. Hopefully it helps get you through the tough nights (and days), too. I have it on good authority that you’ll keep using it well into toddlerhood, so might as well get used to saying it early and often!